A Bureaucracy of One

Get Your Bake On - Granola S'Mores Bars

I've spent the last hour reading Cracked.com, and I am nothing if not entertained. However, that has not helped me write anything. That's okay though, as I have a plan. 

Not a cunning one. Or a clever one. It's possibly a stupid one, but...

So, here's my plan; I transcribe a recipe a friend sent me. It's actually from The King Arthur Flour Baker's Companion, but I wouldn't have known about it with out my friend. So, he gets the credit.

 

Granola S'Mores Bars

2 1/4 Cup Rolled Oats
1/2 Cup All-Purpose Flour 
1/2 Teaspoon Salt
1 Cup Graham Cracker Crumbs

6 Tbspns Unsalted Butter/Shortening
6 Tbspns Golden, Maple, or Dark Corn Syrup
1/4 Cup firmly packed Light Brown Sugar

1 Cup Semi-sweet Chocolate Chips
1 1/4 Cups Mini Marshmellows

 

Pre-heat oven to 350
Lightly Grease 9x9 (or similar size) baking dish

 

In medium bowl, mix together Oats, Flour, Graham Crackers Crumbs, and Salt - set aside

In Medium sauce pan, melt butter and then stir in Syrup and Brown Sugar over Medium Heat.
Once sugar is dissolved, add Oats mixture, stirring until all is a gooey, delicious mess

Press about half of mixture into baking dish - start with a large pile in middle of dish, and use fingers to press outwards to edges. Sprinkle Chocolate Chips evenly over top, followed by Marshmellows. Top with remaining gooey crust mixture, place in oven; Bake for 15 to 20 minutes.

Allow to cool for 20 minutes, then cut into squares.

Now, while I may have taken some small liberites with the language, that is the recipe as it was given to me. My version is much the same, though differs on a few key points.

1) I double the recipe. These things are delicious, and won't last a minute around hungry friends. That's great if you are a selfless and giving paragon of altruism, but if you harbor even the tiniest bit of selfishness in your black heart the way I do, then you are going to want to make sure you get yours!

2) I use a 9x12 baking dish. This is because I doubled the recipe.

3) I use dark maple syrup. It is delicious.

4) I use Salted butter, and only half the salt.

5) I don't "sprinkle evenly", I bloody well layer the damned chips on!

If you end up making these, please let me know how you liked them. Personally, I'd keep a batch handy all the time if I wasn't so lazy.

 

 

7 Layer Dip to Shake the Heavens

Sure, you can follow a recipe, but like jazz, the genius is in the improvisation and the execution.  Nominally, this recipe is from The Joy Of Cooking, but I've modified it.

1 1/2 16oz.Cans Refried Beans
3 Lg (or six Sm) Ripe Avocados
3 Tablespoons Lime Juice
1/4 teaspoon Sea Salt
2 Cups Sour Cream
1 Packet Hot & Spicy Taco Seasoning
2 4oz. Cans Chopped Green Chilis
1 container Grape Tomatoes
2 Cups Sharp Cheddar Cheese
1 Cup Mozzerella
Fresh Cilantro
1 Bunch Scallions/Green Onions

In a 13x9 baking dish evenly spread the refried beans

Mash together and mix Avocados, Lime juice, and Sea Salt, then spread over beans

Mix together Sour Cream and Taco mix, and spread over Avocado

Chop enough cilantro to cover Sour Cream, and spread evenly

Spread Green Chilis evenly over Cilantro

Dice Grape Tomatoes and spread evenly

Spread grated Cheddar evenly, and top with Mozzerella

Broil for 2 minutes to melt cheese

Chop Scallions/Green Onions and spread over Cheese

Serves 15-20.

You can also leave the dip in the oven after broiling it, and set to oven for 350 for about 10-12 minutes to warm the dip.

Just Because You Can eat It Doesn't Mean It's Edible

Fast Food franchises I'll no longer willingly patronize:

McDonald's

Burger King

Wendy's

Taco Bell

Arctic Circle

Panda Express

and now...

KFC.

The Carl's Jr./Hardees franchise still gets a pass because of their Crisscut/Curly Fries.

The crap that passes for food at these places horrifies me.  It used to not bother me at all.  Hell, I used to eat almost exclusively at Taco bell for about ten years after college!  The Spicy Chicken Sandwich at Wendy's satisfied my hunger on multiples of multiple times, as did the Orange Chicken from Panda Express.  But now, just the idea of entering those places fills me dread nausea!  My bowels begin to quake in fear - loosening in anticipation of needing to pass the poisonous gestalts of Super Science and Arcane Magics as quickly as possible - and my blood pressure drops as my body tries to slow the flow of viscous life-fluid throw my digestive track, as the less of toxins absorbed, the better.

I mean, have seen what passes for Macaroni & Cheese at KFC recently?  That.  Ain't. FOOD!

Nay, instead it is some eldritch horror drawn straight from the rotting bowels of H.P. Lovercraft himself!  An amorphous gelatin that reeks of hells unfathomable and chemicals so corrosive that the EPA can't even classify them!  One taste, and your puny mortal mind will shrink in gibbering terror from the mass of Stygian information conveyed by your now-atrophied taste buds!  And then, as if the incipient destruction of all that you are at the tendrils of this horror were not enough, CLARITY bursts through noxious fog like a suppurating appendix, and wraps the shards of your psyche in its necrotic tentacles.  It is then that you KNOW.  Sub-prime mortgages and Balloon Payments are  Wonderful Ideas!  Why, Rush Limbaugh is the very Voice of Reason!  War IS Peace!  Freedom IS Slavery!  And Ignorance...dear Dread Lord Cthuhlu...Ignorance truly IS STRENGHT!

And then you die.

Culinary Question Marks

See that picture up there?  That was part of dinner tonight; fried pickles.  Read that again.  Deep.  Fried.  Pickles.  Yes, there is a place in Salt Lake City, UT that serves deep-fried pickles.  Eat your cholesterol-laden heart out, Atlanta!