A Bureaucracy of One

Black Dynamite!

WARNING! The below trailer is NSFW for Nudity, Foul Language, and Black Dynamite Putting the Smack Down on some Jive Motherf***ers!

Film reportedly sold at Sundance to Sony Pictures for $2 Million, which means we will get to see it in it's glorious Anamorphic Douvision soon!

Roland Emmerich - Taking Stupid to a Whole New Level

This is ... this is fucking stupid.  It is the teaser trailer for Emmerich's new movie 2012, about the end of the world as predicted by the Mayans.  What is shows is a Tibetan monastery getting taken out by a tidal wave.

Yes, a monastery, located deep in the Himalayan Mountains, getting obliterated by a tidal wave.  A tidal wave over 13,000 feet high.  To put in in perspective, the 2004 tsunami in the Indian Ocean, the deadliest tsunami in recorded history, had wave walls of only 100 feet in height.

Don't merely suspend your disbelief for this one; divest yourself of it completely because 2012 is shaping up to be unbelievably stupid.  

Godzilla vs Gigan - Another Running Commentary

Made seven years after Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster, so my fingers are crossed that it won't be as campy.  However, Godzilla vs. Gigan is still a Showa Era Godzilla movie, so my hopes are no too hi- dear dog, what the hell is that thing?!

Oh, it's a rather hideous Godzilla costume.  Seriously, the early Godzilla designs were less than intimidating.

O-okaaay...we just had an intro consisting of a bunch of Seventies computer panels and lights, followed by page after page of a manga showing a crowd's horrified reaction to ... a blank page.

I should note here that unlike my commentary on Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster, I am going into this one completely blind, having never seen it before.

Hm, it was a pitch by a poor, struggling manga artist trying to sell the story of telepathic kids who beam their hatred of homework into outer space, where it forms into a terrible monster that returns to Earth to wreak havoc!

Don't laugh, it actually sounds more compelling than some kaiju movies I've heard of.

Okay, was Poor Struggling Manga Boy just flirting with her?  Or was he in serious fear for his life from her 1337 karate skills? 

A...a theme park.  A Godzilla theme park.  For children to learn about peace.  Wow.  I-I have nothing to add to that.

The Voltron Movie is Going to Suck Ass

If you don't read CHUD.com, that's okay, I still like and respect you...only, maybe a smidge less.  However, as you do not read CHUD.com, then you likely missed Jeremy Smith's latest Crop Report, wherein he laments the pile of angsty shite that is the latest Voltron script.

What Mr. Smith does with the Crop Report is take scripts that he has on his desk, and review them with the intent of letting people know the how's and wherefore's of why a movie currently in development will either suck, or rock.

And the Voltron movie is going to suck.

I cannot say I am surprised.  Hollywood has always been interested in turning out shallow and uninvolved movies based on equally shallow and uninvolving concepts.  However, as Pirates of the Caribbean and even the Transformers movie, Hollywood has proven that a talented scribe can add depth and meaning to even the most ridiculous premises.

From the sounds of it, though, Justin Marks is not the man to do it for Voltron.